Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize
