A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I intend to get homeless drunk
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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