Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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