You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
