Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
two words: eviction party
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
