why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
