Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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