Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
