he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
