Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
she woke up with a sticky ear
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
