we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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