We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
