I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
