do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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