Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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