i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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