Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
