I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
