Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
