At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
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