You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
