My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
