I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
