Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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