Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Randomize
