i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
