your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
