my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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