This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
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