He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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