My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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