Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
