Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
it's great music for shaving your balls
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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