TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
