omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize
