I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
