come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
