I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
is it fun? or sober?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
