So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
