Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
