I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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