There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
