3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
