Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
