May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
