A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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