Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
