so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
