blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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