onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
