My hair reeks of homosexuality.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Four minutes until I can fart!
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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